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eponymous_roseI think it's time for another DS9 picspam/recap! Previous DS9 picspam/recaps include: Civil Defense and An Introduction to Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
This time, I went with a particularly cracktastic episode that's all the weirder because it's sandwiched in the middle of season six, which is full of such happy, cheerful, up-the-body-count tales as In the Pale Moonlight and The Sacrifice of Angels and Valiant.
Yes, folks, I'm talking about One Little Ship, the episode that is inexplicably enjoyable despite its silly, silly premise. Picspam and (loving) commentary below is SFW, but probably not safe for dialup.
We open with the time-honored combination of CGI and exposition: Sisko tells us that the Defiant is out poking around at a technobabbly item that's causing a whatsit. It seems to be very important to Starfleet, poking these whatsits.
The upshot is that they're sending a runabout into the CGI in order to get some measurements. This process will, coincidentally, shrink down the runabout and its three inhabitants: O'Brien, Bashir, and Dax. To teeny-tiny size. People on the Defiant are getting a bit giggly at the prospect.
Sisko: Major, are you laughing at our investigation of this subspace anomaly?
Kira: No, sir.
Just before communications get cut off by the anomalous whatsit, Jadzia lets slip that Worf is apparently going to write a poem about all this. Sisko and Kira gang up to ask him what he's got so far.
Nog emphatically interrupts before Worf can begin, which is probably best for everyone concerned.
Kira: Now, is it my imagination, or did the kid just cover for him?
Sisko: This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
In other news, if there were a whole spinoff entitled "Kira and Sisko Banter on the Bridge", I would watch the heck out of it.
Worf rather shortly (sorry) announces that the runabout's crew is getting smaller.
Meanwhile, aboard the Rubicon, our heroes are about a meter tall and shrinking. O'Brien is a little weirded out by all this.
Jadzia assures him that Nothing Can Possibly Go Wrong, and that they'll be back to their normal size in no time. Somewhere out in the anomaly, lightning strikes and thunder rolls dramatically.
O'Brien: What are you smirking at? You're as small as I am!
Bashir: Actually, you're sitting 1.14 meters closer to the focal point of the anomaly. Which means you've shrunk 0.04% more than I have.
Plot rather inconsiderately intrudes at this point: the tractor beam tethering the runabout to the Defiant is fluctuating.
It's those pesky Jem'Hadar! Seems like nobody can poke a whatsit around here without these guys turning up.
Back on the bridge, redshirts are flying, but at a moderate enough rate that things don't seem to be too bad, yet. If more than four or five are in the air at any given time, you know you're in trouble.
Things are starting to look bad - the Defiant can't do much while it's tethered to the Rubicon, so they start trying to pull it in. Meanwhile, this guy tries to find an opening to get a line or two in, maybe establish some character development, backstory, that kind of thing, in the hopes of delaying his inevitable doom.
They lose the Rubicon, which flies headlong into the anomalous thingie.
Stuff's blowing up on the Rubicon as well, but considering their lack of expendable redshirts, it's a bit more worrying. Jadzia needs warp power to get them free.
Meanwhile, back on the Defiant, this guy really should have worn blue today.
In fact, they may have used up all their redshirts at this point, so now we're at the next level: dramatic fog machines and main characters manning the Exploding Console. This doesn't bode well.
The Exploding Console explodes (go figure), and Sisko immediately rushes down to make sure Kira's okay. Dude next to her is trying not to feel slighted.
Perhaps sensing that we're almost at the opening credits, the Jem'Hadar take this opportunity to beam aboard and make threatening gestures. Cue credits.
After the credits, our heroes aboard the Rubicon have made it out of the anomalous whatsit, looking a little the worse for wear. The external sensors and the comm signal are down.
The blast doors are also stuck shut, so they can't see where they're going - they decide to go after the Defiant's transponder signal. Because having a spaceship wandering around blind can never go wrong.
Meanwhile, the Jem'Hadar have captured the Defiant and locked all the bridge officers in the mess hall, presumably out of some fiendish plot to have them do the cooking, or something. I kind of love that the guy in the background just spun the captain's chair around a few times, all "what is this I don't even".
Trouble in paradise: the guy on the left is an Elder from the Gamma Quadrant. Guy on the right is one of a brand-new batch of Alpha Quadrant Jem'Hadar, and is in charge. Neither of them is particularly fond of the other.
Alpha decides to declare victory and call up the Vorta. Gamma is a little more hesitant, considering, y'know, we're only nine minutes into the episode. The Vorta, however, is quite pleased with their accomplishment.
Gamma takes this opportunity to tell the Vorta that the Alphas are all a bunch of jerks. Glaring ensues.
The Vorta tells them to settle this among themselves, possibly imagining what a great reality show this would make. Gamma Quadrant Jem'Hadar! Alpha Quadrant Jem'Hadar! Can they ever learn to live together? Our hidden cameras will find out!
Alpha orders Gamma to go get Sisko.
Finally getting in tune with the other half of the plot, Alpha tells his men to cut off the Defiant's transponder. Good plan, Alpha! You wouldn't want that subplot coming back to bite you in the ass. He also orders them to get rid of the chairs on the bridge. Stupid chairs.
Meanwhile, in the mess hall, Worf lists all the things he could have done to magically prevent the Jem'Hadar attack.
Nog rather reasonably explains why Worf couldn't possibly have changed the outcome, which gets him a glower for his troubles. Never get between a Klingon and his suffering, Nog!
Sisko points out that there's a chance the runabout crew are just fine and on their way back to the station. Yes, because that's exactly how it would go down. "Oh, well, we tried. Time to go home!"
Sisko also exposits that the Jem'Hadar can't go anywhere until they restore warp power, which could take a while, so there's still a chance for them to retake the Defiant. Now all they need is a way out of the mess hall.
Gamma comes in right on cue, probably because he was listening outside the door for the most dramatic moment to make an entrance. He and Sisko go to the bridge.
Meanwhile, the Rubicon has lost the Defiant's transponder signal, and O'Brien's still poking around with a flashlight, which rarely bodes well.
They finally manage to open the blast shutters, and see...
Wait, wrong episode.
...a really big wall.
Julian spots a big, black circle on it. Everyone squints at the viewscreen from various amusing angles for a while.
Julian: Chief... you're not going to like this.
Yes, that tiny blip up there is the Rubicon, above the Defiant. Oh dear. Apparently, they didn't leave the anomaly the same way they entered it, so they're still tiny.
O'Brien: Are you telling me I'm going to be this bloody tall for the rest of my life?
Bashir: This bloody tall, actually.
He points out that all they've got to do to reverse this is go back into the anomaly and retrace their steps. In theory. And they'll need the Defiant's help to do that. And to do that, they need to get the Defiant's attention, with communications down.
Using comparative geometry ("this big" versus "this big"), O'Brien suggests that it might be possible to sneak into the Defiant via a plasma vent.
Dax: Are you suggesting that we take the Rubicon inside the Defiant? ...I love it. Let's go.
Back on the Defiant, Sisko meets Alpha, who fanboys him for a while. Awkward.
Alpha wants Sisko to fix the warp engines for them. Gamma thinks that's a pretty bad plan. "Here, have access to a bunch of highly sensitive equipment that you couldn't possibly use against us." Alpha overrules Gamma's protests.
Sisko: I'm glad the two of you worked that out.
Alpha spoils the fun by threatening to kill Sisko's crew if he doesn't cooperate. Sisko asks for a few extra people to help out with the repairs. Alpha is cool with that.
Gamma can't believe he's the only one who has a problem with this plan.
Sisko is all, "Okay, you guys seem to have your own issues, and I'm in no hurry to get to a Dominion prison camp. Whatever." He offers to teach the Jem'Hadar how to fix a warp core drive from first principles, and starts listing how long it'll take to do just that. He's wagering, of course, that these Jem'Hadar haven't gotten their hands on that "Starfleet Warp Drives for Dummies" handbook yet.
Alpha tells him he can have the other three bridge officers (so, wow, they really did run out of redshirts), but that's it. And no plotting to escape allowed!
Gamma is contemplating buying an "I'm with stupid" t-shirt.
Meanwhile, the Rubicon makes its entrance.
O'Brien is definitely not lost. Well, maybe a little.
Julian, perhaps sensing that he's not going to have a lot to do medicine-wise this episode, amuses himself by making a comment about how dirty the conduit is. O'Brien takes offense.
Dax: All right, all right, let's not badger the Chief.
O'Brien: Thank you.
Julian: I'm sorry. That was very small of me.
Meanwhile, Gamma and Sisko have an awkward ride in the turbolift. Gamma threatens Sisko a bit, and Sisko tells him it sounds like he should be in charge. Gamma starts complaining about Alpha in earnest, and Sisko eggs him on until Gamma realizes that this is probably not the sort of discord you want to show your prisoners.
He starts to wonder if stupid is contagious.
Meanwhile, Alpha is checking in with the Vorta to let him know that the impulse engines are about to be engaged, and warp engines should be up in five hours. The Vorta's all "good job, good job", but you can tell he's just waiting for the first opportunity to sign off and go watch the latest episode of Dexter.
Hang on, engage impulse engines? That doesn't bode well for our tiny heroes. Superheated plasma on the way.
Fiery death approaches! If only they had some way of opening this easy-access panel with their flying machine.
That'll work!
Since they've emerged in Engineering near the warp core, they take the opportunity to scrutinize it and determine the engines are offline. In other news, everyone's necks must have been sore after this episode - all that craning.
Meanwhile, the bridge crew (sans redshirts) is busy fixing the warp engines. Ostensibly. Gamma is being understandably cautious, and asks Kira what she's up to. She technobabbles at him for a bit, and he asks her to teach his buddy how to do that particular bit of technobabblery so he can do it instead. Smart plan, Gamma! I like his whole air of "Oh, man, this is so embarrassing, I hope they don't think I'm as incompetent as that Alpha guy."
The runabout crew discover for the first time what they're up against: the universe's least observant Jem'Hadar.
Still, it's best not to push your luck. They hide out in a corner to get visual sensors back online and do some handy exposition for the rest of us.
Jadzia zooms in on what Sisko's working on, and she and O'Brien go off on a technobabbly tangent.
Bashir: ...would someone please let me in on this conversation?
Essentially, Sisko's trying to get control of the ship from Engineering, and Jadzia doesn't think his plan is likely to succeed since the command codes are hardwired into the circuitry.
Kira's the only one actually working on the warp drive, and she's taking her time.
Worf, meanwhile, is busy covering everyone's tracks.
And Nog is the one trying to override the bridge control lockout so they can get control of the ship via Engineering. Unfortunately, it would take him weeks to do that.
Having exhausted all possible exposition in this part of the ship, they decide to head up to the bridge and try it there.
The plan? Wait for someone to open the door and sneak through. Sheer elegance in its simplicity.
In his continuous effort to look marginally competent, Gamma has one of his men relieve Worf, just to switch things up.
Alpha storms in demanding to know why the warp drive isn't online yet. Sisko rather cleverly points the finger at Gamma, accusing him of stalling by arbitrarily reassigning everyone's tasks, thus keeping them from, well, having sufficient time to pull off a sneaky counterstrike.
Competence? On my ship? Can't be having that. Alpha berates Gamma for doing what amounts to a good job. Poor Gamma.
Sensing that he's losing some measure of evilness here, Alpha decides to execute Kira if the warp drive isn't online in half an hour. Kira is not impressed.
Meanwhile, the runabout sneaks out with Alpha, in search of new places to crane necks and exposit.
As predicted, Nog keeps hitting a wall with these command codes. You know, sometimes it's really nice to have characters just not be able to do stuff, once in a while.
Nog asks if there's a plan B. Sisko's plan B is to blow up the ship. Nog, that's always plan B; it's the Sisko way. You should not be surprised at this point. "What do we do if the soufflé doesn't rise? BLOW UP THE SHIP, is what."
So, no pressure or anything.
Kira's not being too subtle in her stalling tactics, which are generally along the lines of: "Now do that really, really slowly, like I showed y- oh, you did it too fast. Do it again. Slower."
Kira: He's not stupid. He's already got the entire command and control system committed to memory. I can't keep him fooled forever.
Sisko: In a battle of wits between you and him, I'll bet on you every time.
♥ This is a good episode for these two.
And now, for your amusement, the Amazing Unobservant Jem'Hadar! The runabout's even making little vwwwrring noises. Maybe I'm being too hard on them. I mean, it's not like they were specifically bred to be observant, efficient killing machines. Oh, wait.
A random Jem'Hadar comes up and tells Alpha about an extra check he's done to make sure they won't be detected by enemies on the way back. Alpha praises him, and tells him he's got initiative, unlike some Jem'Hadar he wouldn't care to mention. Ohohoh, double-standard at work, here. The plot thickens (never to be stirred again - after this episode, the Alpha/Gamma distinction is never brought up).
Meanwhile, the runabout's hanging upside-down waiting for someone to open the door to the bridge. Now you're craning your neck, too! It's like being there.
Also meanwhile, Worf is having trouble accessing the self-destruct without raising suspicion, so Sisko tells him to set up a computer virus so that it initiates a core breach once the ship hits Warp one. I picture it as a sort of IF...THEN loop:
if (at first you don't succeed)
then BLOW UP THE SHIP;
Jadzia, meanwhile, is getting tired of waiting for doors to open, and decides to nudge the control panel with the ship itself.
O'Brien: Don't hit it too hard. You could shatter the control panel.
Dax: Don't worry, I have a light touch.
Bashir: Not according to Worf.
Bashir: ...what?
Success! They've managed to sneak onto an entire bridge filled with Incredibly Unobservant Jem'Hadar.
I like how Julian is just sulking in a corner for most of this scene. He thought it was funny.
It's a tragedy, really. Nobody appreciates his sense of humor. Meanwhile, Jadzia and O'Brien have determined a way to transfer the command codes down to Nog, but it would mean leaving the ship. Julian points out that the oxygen molecules out there would be too big for O'Brien's body to assimilate anyway.
Jadzia notes that since the instrument panels are airtight, she'd be able to beam a bubble of compressed air into the space, which would expand and result in thin but breathable air.
Julian agrees. O'Brien doesn't like where this is going, and tries to remember whether the O'Brien-must-suffer episode for this season has happened yet.
So, just to be on the safe side, he volunteers Julian to help him out. They beam down, and proceed to get in some quality neck-craning.
O'Brien gets straight to work looking for whatever it is they're looking for, while Julian indulges in a brief "This is so awesome!" moment.
He goes to sit down, which isn't a good plan.
O'Brien: Julian, stop! The chip behind you is carrying 20 micro-Amps of electric current. Now, it's not very much-
Bashir: But it's enough to fry every synapse in my tiny body. Thanks for the tip.
And they set off, a little more cautiously.
The air starts getting thin, and they're still not entirely sure where they are, since engineering manuals are sorely lacking in sections describing circuitry when you're tiny. Seems like Starfleet should be including that sort of thing.
Meanwhile (jeez, how many times have I used "meanwhile" so far?), Alpha is distributing the White. Gamma tries to make the usual pomp and circumstance out of it, but Alpha's all, "Nah, it's cool."
Alpha: We're all Alphas here. Our loyalty is demonstrated by our actions, not our words.
Meanwhile (yeah, just gonna embrace the "meanwhile"), Julian and O'Brien are very definitely lost.
Julian generally points to stuff and badgers O'Brien into figuring out where they're going.
After a little deep concentration, they're back on track again.
Things aren't going so hot in Engineering - our heroes are about to be found out, and Nog isn't making any progress.
And Julian and O'Brien are still busy plugging and unplugging dohickeys all over the place. In very thin air. Crazy thought - couldn't Jadzia just beam down another bubble of compressed air? She's probably still miffed at Julian for that "light touch" comment.
In any case, mission accomplished, and they're beamed up safe and sound.
And things start looking up on Nog's end!
The Jem'Hadar march in, looking annoyed about something, and order everyone away from the consoles. Nog and Sisko confer, and decide they need a diversion.
I wonder who might be well-equipped to make such a diversion?
The Jem'Hadar have figured out that the warp drive's been online for the past hour or so. Alpha is shocked, shocked, I say, at Gamma's incompetence. Gamma rather snidely points out that Alpha was the one who told him not to interfere with them. Boys, boys! Somebody needs a time-out.
Our heroes' shifty glances don't go unnoticed by Gamma, however, who recommends they check for booby-traps before activating the warp drive. Alpha, true to form, brushes him off. I get the feeling that if Gamma recommended traveling through space with a supply of breathable air, Alpha would want to travel in a vacuum. That'd show him!
Alpha tells them to go to Warp 4 as soon as they have enough engine power, and orders our heroes locked up with the other prisoners. But on his way out the door...
Okay, even Alpha can't miss that.
A firefight ensues, and this guy is shot by a teeny-tiny torpedo. Ouch.
Sisko springs into action and floods the rest of the ship with anesthezine gas.
Worf dukes it out with several Jem'Hadar.
Kira gets to do some fancy shooting.
Success! Now to get rid of that pesky autodestruct virus.
Poor old Gamma's been mortally wounded, but he can take some comfort in the fact that Sisko agrees with him on one thing: Alpha was kind of a jerk.
Meanwhile, Jadzia and Worf have a reunion.
And Sisko wraps things up with a Captain's Log along the lines of "We uneventfully got everyone back to their usual size, because we're nearing the end of Act Five, here."
And it's the moment of truth: Worf has his poem. Jadzia begs him to read it, even just the first line, and Worf makes her promise not to make fun of him. "It is my first poem," he intones solemnly. "No flames pls lol kthx."
What follows has to be transcribed in its entirety, because nothing I could possibly type could embellish it in any way:
Worf: All right. But it is my first poem.
Dax: I understand.
Worf: And I have worked very long and very hard on this.
Dax: I know.
Worf: And I do not wish to be ridiculed.
Dax: I promise.
Worf: Very well. *dramatic pause* "This is the story of a little ship... that took a little trip." What do you think?
Jadzia, to her credit, just makes this face. "It's, uh, it's, well, it rhymes."
Luckily, she soon realizes there's nothing on Worf's padd. Sneaky sense of humor, there, Worf. No poetry, then. But his epic Kahless fanfic is never to be laughed at.
Meanwhile, Julian and O'Brien are embellishing their exciting tales for a spellbound audience.
Odo comes up behind them and makes this face.
Julian and O'Brien notice Odo's scrutiny.
Bashir: Is there something wrong?
Odo: Are you sure you've returned to your normal size?
O'Brien: Of course.
Bashir: Why?
Odo: Well, you both appear to be a couple of centimeters shorter than you were the last time I saw you. A Changeling notices that sort of thing.
Quark: I didn't want to say anything, but you do look a little... on the petite side.
And Julian and O'Brien run off to the infirmary.
Quark: And they say you don't have a sense of humor.
As a bonus: Memory Alpha informs me that this episode was known as "Honey, We Shrunk the Runabout" behind the scenes.
This time, I went with a particularly cracktastic episode that's all the weirder because it's sandwiched in the middle of season six, which is full of such happy, cheerful, up-the-body-count tales as In the Pale Moonlight and The Sacrifice of Angels and Valiant.
Yes, folks, I'm talking about One Little Ship, the episode that is inexplicably enjoyable despite its silly, silly premise. Picspam and (loving) commentary below is SFW, but probably not safe for dialup.
We open with the time-honored combination of CGI and exposition: Sisko tells us that the Defiant is out poking around at a technobabbly item that's causing a whatsit. It seems to be very important to Starfleet, poking these whatsits.
The upshot is that they're sending a runabout into the CGI in order to get some measurements. This process will, coincidentally, shrink down the runabout and its three inhabitants: O'Brien, Bashir, and Dax. To teeny-tiny size. People on the Defiant are getting a bit giggly at the prospect.
Sisko: Major, are you laughing at our investigation of this subspace anomaly?
Kira: No, sir.
Just before communications get cut off by the anomalous whatsit, Jadzia lets slip that Worf is apparently going to write a poem about all this. Sisko and Kira gang up to ask him what he's got so far.
Nog emphatically interrupts before Worf can begin, which is probably best for everyone concerned.
Kira: Now, is it my imagination, or did the kid just cover for him?
Sisko: This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
In other news, if there were a whole spinoff entitled "Kira and Sisko Banter on the Bridge", I would watch the heck out of it.
Worf rather shortly (sorry) announces that the runabout's crew is getting smaller.
Meanwhile, aboard the Rubicon, our heroes are about a meter tall and shrinking. O'Brien is a little weirded out by all this.
Jadzia assures him that Nothing Can Possibly Go Wrong, and that they'll be back to their normal size in no time. Somewhere out in the anomaly, lightning strikes and thunder rolls dramatically.
O'Brien: What are you smirking at? You're as small as I am!
Bashir: Actually, you're sitting 1.14 meters closer to the focal point of the anomaly. Which means you've shrunk 0.04% more than I have.
Plot rather inconsiderately intrudes at this point: the tractor beam tethering the runabout to the Defiant is fluctuating.
It's those pesky Jem'Hadar! Seems like nobody can poke a whatsit around here without these guys turning up.
Back on the bridge, redshirts are flying, but at a moderate enough rate that things don't seem to be too bad, yet. If more than four or five are in the air at any given time, you know you're in trouble.
Things are starting to look bad - the Defiant can't do much while it's tethered to the Rubicon, so they start trying to pull it in. Meanwhile, this guy tries to find an opening to get a line or two in, maybe establish some character development, backstory, that kind of thing, in the hopes of delaying his inevitable doom.
They lose the Rubicon, which flies headlong into the anomalous thingie.
Stuff's blowing up on the Rubicon as well, but considering their lack of expendable redshirts, it's a bit more worrying. Jadzia needs warp power to get them free.
Meanwhile, back on the Defiant, this guy really should have worn blue today.
In fact, they may have used up all their redshirts at this point, so now we're at the next level: dramatic fog machines and main characters manning the Exploding Console. This doesn't bode well.
The Exploding Console explodes (go figure), and Sisko immediately rushes down to make sure Kira's okay. Dude next to her is trying not to feel slighted.
Perhaps sensing that we're almost at the opening credits, the Jem'Hadar take this opportunity to beam aboard and make threatening gestures. Cue credits.
After the credits, our heroes aboard the Rubicon have made it out of the anomalous whatsit, looking a little the worse for wear. The external sensors and the comm signal are down.
The blast doors are also stuck shut, so they can't see where they're going - they decide to go after the Defiant's transponder signal. Because having a spaceship wandering around blind can never go wrong.
Meanwhile, the Jem'Hadar have captured the Defiant and locked all the bridge officers in the mess hall, presumably out of some fiendish plot to have them do the cooking, or something. I kind of love that the guy in the background just spun the captain's chair around a few times, all "what is this I don't even".
Trouble in paradise: the guy on the left is an Elder from the Gamma Quadrant. Guy on the right is one of a brand-new batch of Alpha Quadrant Jem'Hadar, and is in charge. Neither of them is particularly fond of the other.
Alpha decides to declare victory and call up the Vorta. Gamma is a little more hesitant, considering, y'know, we're only nine minutes into the episode. The Vorta, however, is quite pleased with their accomplishment.
Gamma takes this opportunity to tell the Vorta that the Alphas are all a bunch of jerks. Glaring ensues.
The Vorta tells them to settle this among themselves, possibly imagining what a great reality show this would make. Gamma Quadrant Jem'Hadar! Alpha Quadrant Jem'Hadar! Can they ever learn to live together? Our hidden cameras will find out!
Alpha orders Gamma to go get Sisko.
Finally getting in tune with the other half of the plot, Alpha tells his men to cut off the Defiant's transponder. Good plan, Alpha! You wouldn't want that subplot coming back to bite you in the ass. He also orders them to get rid of the chairs on the bridge. Stupid chairs.
Meanwhile, in the mess hall, Worf lists all the things he could have done to magically prevent the Jem'Hadar attack.
Nog rather reasonably explains why Worf couldn't possibly have changed the outcome, which gets him a glower for his troubles. Never get between a Klingon and his suffering, Nog!
Sisko points out that there's a chance the runabout crew are just fine and on their way back to the station. Yes, because that's exactly how it would go down. "Oh, well, we tried. Time to go home!"
Sisko also exposits that the Jem'Hadar can't go anywhere until they restore warp power, which could take a while, so there's still a chance for them to retake the Defiant. Now all they need is a way out of the mess hall.
Gamma comes in right on cue, probably because he was listening outside the door for the most dramatic moment to make an entrance. He and Sisko go to the bridge.
Meanwhile, the Rubicon has lost the Defiant's transponder signal, and O'Brien's still poking around with a flashlight, which rarely bodes well.
They finally manage to open the blast shutters, and see...
Wait, wrong episode.
...a really big wall.
Julian spots a big, black circle on it. Everyone squints at the viewscreen from various amusing angles for a while.
Julian: Chief... you're not going to like this.
Yes, that tiny blip up there is the Rubicon, above the Defiant. Oh dear. Apparently, they didn't leave the anomaly the same way they entered it, so they're still tiny.
O'Brien: Are you telling me I'm going to be this bloody tall for the rest of my life?
Bashir: This bloody tall, actually.
He points out that all they've got to do to reverse this is go back into the anomaly and retrace their steps. In theory. And they'll need the Defiant's help to do that. And to do that, they need to get the Defiant's attention, with communications down.
Using comparative geometry ("this big" versus "this big"), O'Brien suggests that it might be possible to sneak into the Defiant via a plasma vent.
Dax: Are you suggesting that we take the Rubicon inside the Defiant? ...I love it. Let's go.
Back on the Defiant, Sisko meets Alpha, who fanboys him for a while. Awkward.
Alpha wants Sisko to fix the warp engines for them. Gamma thinks that's a pretty bad plan. "Here, have access to a bunch of highly sensitive equipment that you couldn't possibly use against us." Alpha overrules Gamma's protests.
Sisko: I'm glad the two of you worked that out.
Alpha spoils the fun by threatening to kill Sisko's crew if he doesn't cooperate. Sisko asks for a few extra people to help out with the repairs. Alpha is cool with that.
Gamma can't believe he's the only one who has a problem with this plan.
Sisko is all, "Okay, you guys seem to have your own issues, and I'm in no hurry to get to a Dominion prison camp. Whatever." He offers to teach the Jem'Hadar how to fix a warp core drive from first principles, and starts listing how long it'll take to do just that. He's wagering, of course, that these Jem'Hadar haven't gotten their hands on that "Starfleet Warp Drives for Dummies" handbook yet.
Alpha tells him he can have the other three bridge officers (so, wow, they really did run out of redshirts), but that's it. And no plotting to escape allowed!
Gamma is contemplating buying an "I'm with stupid" t-shirt.
Meanwhile, the Rubicon makes its entrance.
O'Brien is definitely not lost. Well, maybe a little.
Julian, perhaps sensing that he's not going to have a lot to do medicine-wise this episode, amuses himself by making a comment about how dirty the conduit is. O'Brien takes offense.
Dax: All right, all right, let's not badger the Chief.
O'Brien: Thank you.
Julian: I'm sorry. That was very small of me.
Meanwhile, Gamma and Sisko have an awkward ride in the turbolift. Gamma threatens Sisko a bit, and Sisko tells him it sounds like he should be in charge. Gamma starts complaining about Alpha in earnest, and Sisko eggs him on until Gamma realizes that this is probably not the sort of discord you want to show your prisoners.
He starts to wonder if stupid is contagious.
Meanwhile, Alpha is checking in with the Vorta to let him know that the impulse engines are about to be engaged, and warp engines should be up in five hours. The Vorta's all "good job, good job", but you can tell he's just waiting for the first opportunity to sign off and go watch the latest episode of Dexter.
Hang on, engage impulse engines? That doesn't bode well for our tiny heroes. Superheated plasma on the way.
Fiery death approaches! If only they had some way of opening this easy-access panel with their flying machine.
That'll work!
Since they've emerged in Engineering near the warp core, they take the opportunity to scrutinize it and determine the engines are offline. In other news, everyone's necks must have been sore after this episode - all that craning.
Meanwhile, the bridge crew (sans redshirts) is busy fixing the warp engines. Ostensibly. Gamma is being understandably cautious, and asks Kira what she's up to. She technobabbles at him for a bit, and he asks her to teach his buddy how to do that particular bit of technobabblery so he can do it instead. Smart plan, Gamma! I like his whole air of "Oh, man, this is so embarrassing, I hope they don't think I'm as incompetent as that Alpha guy."
The runabout crew discover for the first time what they're up against: the universe's least observant Jem'Hadar.
Still, it's best not to push your luck. They hide out in a corner to get visual sensors back online and do some handy exposition for the rest of us.
Jadzia zooms in on what Sisko's working on, and she and O'Brien go off on a technobabbly tangent.
Bashir: ...would someone please let me in on this conversation?
Essentially, Sisko's trying to get control of the ship from Engineering, and Jadzia doesn't think his plan is likely to succeed since the command codes are hardwired into the circuitry.
Kira's the only one actually working on the warp drive, and she's taking her time.
Worf, meanwhile, is busy covering everyone's tracks.
And Nog is the one trying to override the bridge control lockout so they can get control of the ship via Engineering. Unfortunately, it would take him weeks to do that.
Having exhausted all possible exposition in this part of the ship, they decide to head up to the bridge and try it there.
The plan? Wait for someone to open the door and sneak through. Sheer elegance in its simplicity.
In his continuous effort to look marginally competent, Gamma has one of his men relieve Worf, just to switch things up.
Alpha storms in demanding to know why the warp drive isn't online yet. Sisko rather cleverly points the finger at Gamma, accusing him of stalling by arbitrarily reassigning everyone's tasks, thus keeping them from, well, having sufficient time to pull off a sneaky counterstrike.
Competence? On my ship? Can't be having that. Alpha berates Gamma for doing what amounts to a good job. Poor Gamma.
Sensing that he's losing some measure of evilness here, Alpha decides to execute Kira if the warp drive isn't online in half an hour. Kira is not impressed.
Meanwhile, the runabout sneaks out with Alpha, in search of new places to crane necks and exposit.
As predicted, Nog keeps hitting a wall with these command codes. You know, sometimes it's really nice to have characters just not be able to do stuff, once in a while.
Nog asks if there's a plan B. Sisko's plan B is to blow up the ship. Nog, that's always plan B; it's the Sisko way. You should not be surprised at this point. "What do we do if the soufflé doesn't rise? BLOW UP THE SHIP, is what."
So, no pressure or anything.
Kira's not being too subtle in her stalling tactics, which are generally along the lines of: "Now do that really, really slowly, like I showed y- oh, you did it too fast. Do it again. Slower."
Kira: He's not stupid. He's already got the entire command and control system committed to memory. I can't keep him fooled forever.
Sisko: In a battle of wits between you and him, I'll bet on you every time.
♥ This is a good episode for these two.
And now, for your amusement, the Amazing Unobservant Jem'Hadar! The runabout's even making little vwwwrring noises. Maybe I'm being too hard on them. I mean, it's not like they were specifically bred to be observant, efficient killing machines. Oh, wait.
A random Jem'Hadar comes up and tells Alpha about an extra check he's done to make sure they won't be detected by enemies on the way back. Alpha praises him, and tells him he's got initiative, unlike some Jem'Hadar he wouldn't care to mention. Ohohoh, double-standard at work, here. The plot thickens (never to be stirred again - after this episode, the Alpha/Gamma distinction is never brought up).
Meanwhile, the runabout's hanging upside-down waiting for someone to open the door to the bridge. Now you're craning your neck, too! It's like being there.
Also meanwhile, Worf is having trouble accessing the self-destruct without raising suspicion, so Sisko tells him to set up a computer virus so that it initiates a core breach once the ship hits Warp one. I picture it as a sort of IF...THEN loop:
if (at first you don't succeed)
then BLOW UP THE SHIP;
Jadzia, meanwhile, is getting tired of waiting for doors to open, and decides to nudge the control panel with the ship itself.
O'Brien: Don't hit it too hard. You could shatter the control panel.
Dax: Don't worry, I have a light touch.
Bashir: Not according to Worf.
Bashir: ...what?
Success! They've managed to sneak onto an entire bridge filled with Incredibly Unobservant Jem'Hadar.
I like how Julian is just sulking in a corner for most of this scene. He thought it was funny.
It's a tragedy, really. Nobody appreciates his sense of humor. Meanwhile, Jadzia and O'Brien have determined a way to transfer the command codes down to Nog, but it would mean leaving the ship. Julian points out that the oxygen molecules out there would be too big for O'Brien's body to assimilate anyway.
Jadzia notes that since the instrument panels are airtight, she'd be able to beam a bubble of compressed air into the space, which would expand and result in thin but breathable air.
Julian agrees. O'Brien doesn't like where this is going, and tries to remember whether the O'Brien-must-suffer episode for this season has happened yet.
So, just to be on the safe side, he volunteers Julian to help him out. They beam down, and proceed to get in some quality neck-craning.
O'Brien gets straight to work looking for whatever it is they're looking for, while Julian indulges in a brief "This is so awesome!" moment.
He goes to sit down, which isn't a good plan.
O'Brien: Julian, stop! The chip behind you is carrying 20 micro-Amps of electric current. Now, it's not very much-
Bashir: But it's enough to fry every synapse in my tiny body. Thanks for the tip.
And they set off, a little more cautiously.
The air starts getting thin, and they're still not entirely sure where they are, since engineering manuals are sorely lacking in sections describing circuitry when you're tiny. Seems like Starfleet should be including that sort of thing.
Meanwhile (jeez, how many times have I used "meanwhile" so far?), Alpha is distributing the White. Gamma tries to make the usual pomp and circumstance out of it, but Alpha's all, "Nah, it's cool."
Alpha: We're all Alphas here. Our loyalty is demonstrated by our actions, not our words.
Meanwhile (yeah, just gonna embrace the "meanwhile"), Julian and O'Brien are very definitely lost.
Julian generally points to stuff and badgers O'Brien into figuring out where they're going.
After a little deep concentration, they're back on track again.
Things aren't going so hot in Engineering - our heroes are about to be found out, and Nog isn't making any progress.
And Julian and O'Brien are still busy plugging and unplugging dohickeys all over the place. In very thin air. Crazy thought - couldn't Jadzia just beam down another bubble of compressed air? She's probably still miffed at Julian for that "light touch" comment.
In any case, mission accomplished, and they're beamed up safe and sound.
And things start looking up on Nog's end!
The Jem'Hadar march in, looking annoyed about something, and order everyone away from the consoles. Nog and Sisko confer, and decide they need a diversion.
I wonder who might be well-equipped to make such a diversion?
The Jem'Hadar have figured out that the warp drive's been online for the past hour or so. Alpha is shocked, shocked, I say, at Gamma's incompetence. Gamma rather snidely points out that Alpha was the one who told him not to interfere with them. Boys, boys! Somebody needs a time-out.
Our heroes' shifty glances don't go unnoticed by Gamma, however, who recommends they check for booby-traps before activating the warp drive. Alpha, true to form, brushes him off. I get the feeling that if Gamma recommended traveling through space with a supply of breathable air, Alpha would want to travel in a vacuum. That'd show him!
Alpha tells them to go to Warp 4 as soon as they have enough engine power, and orders our heroes locked up with the other prisoners. But on his way out the door...
Okay, even Alpha can't miss that.
A firefight ensues, and this guy is shot by a teeny-tiny torpedo. Ouch.
Sisko springs into action and floods the rest of the ship with anesthezine gas.
Worf dukes it out with several Jem'Hadar.
Kira gets to do some fancy shooting.
Success! Now to get rid of that pesky autodestruct virus.
Poor old Gamma's been mortally wounded, but he can take some comfort in the fact that Sisko agrees with him on one thing: Alpha was kind of a jerk.
Meanwhile, Jadzia and Worf have a reunion.
And Sisko wraps things up with a Captain's Log along the lines of "We uneventfully got everyone back to their usual size, because we're nearing the end of Act Five, here."
And it's the moment of truth: Worf has his poem. Jadzia begs him to read it, even just the first line, and Worf makes her promise not to make fun of him. "It is my first poem," he intones solemnly. "No flames pls lol kthx."
What follows has to be transcribed in its entirety, because nothing I could possibly type could embellish it in any way:
Worf: All right. But it is my first poem.
Dax: I understand.
Worf: And I have worked very long and very hard on this.
Dax: I know.
Worf: And I do not wish to be ridiculed.
Dax: I promise.
Worf: Very well. *dramatic pause* "This is the story of a little ship... that took a little trip." What do you think?
Jadzia, to her credit, just makes this face. "It's, uh, it's, well, it rhymes."
Luckily, she soon realizes there's nothing on Worf's padd. Sneaky sense of humor, there, Worf. No poetry, then. But his epic Kahless fanfic is never to be laughed at.
Meanwhile, Julian and O'Brien are embellishing their exciting tales for a spellbound audience.
Odo comes up behind them and makes this face.
Julian and O'Brien notice Odo's scrutiny.
Bashir: Is there something wrong?
Odo: Are you sure you've returned to your normal size?
O'Brien: Of course.
Bashir: Why?
Odo: Well, you both appear to be a couple of centimeters shorter than you were the last time I saw you. A Changeling notices that sort of thing.
Quark: I didn't want to say anything, but you do look a little... on the petite side.
And Julian and O'Brien run off to the infirmary.
Quark: And they say you don't have a sense of humor.
As a bonus: Memory Alpha informs me that this episode was known as "Honey, We Shrunk the Runabout" behind the scenes.
no subject
Date: 2010-12-14 07:06 am (UTC)I'd forgotten until I saw your screencap that everyone on the bridge is carrying a weapon--it's such a great (and sobering) detail. Even on a science mission, they can't forget that they're at war.
no subject
Date: 2010-12-14 02:44 pm (UTC)I'd forgotten until I saw your screencap that everyone on the bridge is carrying a weapon
It took me a while to notice that detail myself - the weapons are so ubiquitous later in the series that they're practically a part of the uniform. Very nice touch, though.
no subject
Date: 2010-12-14 12:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-14 02:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-02 03:00 pm (UTC)And now I'm having Feelings about Kira and Sisko. Sigh.